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As pointed out, my blog has literally sunk this low.
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| Damn you, Popeye, you liar! |
However, please, rest assured that it has not sunk so low that I will be blogging about yesterday's kidney stone and the related hospital visit. According to WebMD, I eat too much spinach.
Instead, as promised, I will attempt to entertain you with various stories regarding my inability to successfully go to the grocery store.
Going to the grocery store is not a difficult task. In fact, it's one I've been doing for years quite successfully. But for some reason, since I've been in Virginia, my grocery shopping abilities have become slightly impaired.
"Oh, damn, I left my debit card in my pants pocket."
"Oh, damn, I left my debit card in my pants pocket."
"Oh, damn, I broke the self check-out machine."
"Oh, damn, I just got caught dancing in the middle of the aisle"
And it is that last story in which I will regale you with now.
You see, there are certain songs that, upon hearing them, regardless of the place or function, force me to grab the nearest microphone-shaped object and rock out. These songs are mostly by Journey and Bon Jovi. But it was NOT either of these classic ensembles that got me in trouble that fateful night.
You see, it was a Monday evening, after 8pm, and there was an ice storm beginning outside. As a small town, this meant that nobody was at the Middleburg Safeway except for me and a friend, who wanted ice cream and wine.
As I head, alone, through the seemingly deserted aisles to find a reasonably priced pint of Cookies N Cream, the song "Marry Me (Dance Mix)" by Train (yes. Train. THAT Train. The very Train that my "about me" section demonishes) began wafting over the loudspeakers.
Now, before I describe in detail how I started giving an impromptu song and dance performance in the middle of the Safeway, remember that I assumed that I was completely alone in the entire store, with the exception of my friend and the teenage guy with the fro who works the register that makes us laugh every time we go in.
So that's how it came to pass that I grabbed a can of Pringles and was serenading a bag of pretzels in the middle of the grocery store.
To feel like I am close enough to youuuuuuu.
Marrrryyy Meeeeeeeee.
If I ever get the nerve to say helllloo in this cafe.
Ohhhhh-ooooooooh"
If this were a movie, Michael Buble would have rolled up on his creaky shopping cart and whisked me away.
As it was, I didn't even consider that the shadow in the corner of my eye might be someone besides the person I was at the store with when I took it up a notch. Added some head bobbing and dramatic interpretive dancing to my act.
After 2-3 seconds of this, I realized the person was not laughing at me. And realized, this wasn't a blonde haired, blue-eyed young 22 year old holding a bottle of wine. This was... An older lady in her 60s or so. And she did not look amused.
Actually, she was looking at me like I was insane.
At that moment, all motion ceased. She stared at me, I stared sheepishly at the bag of pretzels. Then slowly put them back on the shelf and backed out of the aisle.
So that's how it came to pass that I grabbed a can of Pringles and was serenading a bag of pretzels in the middle of the grocery store.
"Forever can never be long enough for meeeeee.
To feel like I am close enough to youuuuuuu.
Marrrryyy Meeeeeeeee.
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| I would have rocked out to this song, too. |
Ohhhhh-ooooooooh"
If this were a movie, Michael Buble would have rolled up on his creaky shopping cart and whisked me away.
As it was, I didn't even consider that the shadow in the corner of my eye might be someone besides the person I was at the store with when I took it up a notch. Added some head bobbing and dramatic interpretive dancing to my act.
After 2-3 seconds of this, I realized the person was not laughing at me. And realized, this wasn't a blonde haired, blue-eyed young 22 year old holding a bottle of wine. This was... An older lady in her 60s or so. And she did not look amused.
Actually, she was looking at me like I was insane.
At that moment, all motion ceased. She stared at me, I stared sheepishly at the bag of pretzels. Then slowly put them back on the shelf and backed out of the aisle.
